Monday, August 4, 2014

Going crazy

Right now my life feels so tight...
I feel like I am not accomplishing anything.
I mean I am accomplishing raising my son which I love, but I want to do more...
I want to do stuff with him. I want to take him to the swimming pool or to the library...
And instead I am just stuck here at my home, with no where to go.
I could go walking but everything is so far and the heat is unbearable!

Being a housewife can get so repetitious. Its kind of scary to think that you could go crazy doing the same thing over and over again.

I Think its because I dont have a car... I have to rely on my husband for rides and its killing me... Im going crazy

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Fear

It feels so weird to be a mother...
It's so beautiful...
I can't get enough of my baby, I want to hold him tightly to make sure he doesn't disappear...

But at the same time it's so scary!
I keep thinking of the what ifs...
All my pregnancy was filled with what ifs...
What if:
My baby is born sick
Something happenes during birth
Something is wrong with him

I spent days and nights praying to God that my baby would be born healthy...

Then he was born and he was perfect... He is perfect...
It's a different kind of love...I'm in love.

But now the what ifs are back...
The world is so full of hate, diseases, evil, pain...
How can I protect him from that ??
What if one day I can't carry him in arms anymore... 
What if i can no longer kiss his beautiful face? 
I fear... I have so much fear...

It's a love so profound...

That's how I finally understand God's sacrifice....
He gave up his only son to be killed, to be hurt, in order to save us all...
I could never be strong enough for that... 

I look at his tiny lips, his long eyelashes, his button nose and wonder why I was gifted?
I don't know how to thank God for this blessing..



Sunday, February 16, 2014

Josiah!

So I am officially a mother! I am completely in love with my baby... He is extremely beautiful, smart and just PERFECT! It feels great to be a mother, my whole life has changed and I am in love!
This is my attempt to be a photographer! Isnt he just beautiful???

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

23 Weeks

I could say that I forgot about this, but in reality I've just put it off. Sometimes I do have the need of writing, but I get lazy... I'm officially 23 weeks pregnant!! And I honestly LOVE it. It's been increasingly hard, now I understand many things. The first 4 months were really, really hard. I had a really difficult time eating I lost alot of weight. Before I got pregnant I weighted about 135ish and by my 4 months I only weighted 118. It was scary... I missed food tremendously but everything I ate, came back up. Now I'm so happy! I feel so much better, and I love being pregnant. I'm halfway with my pregnancy so I am beginning to get nervous... But is such a wonderful experience!! Feeling my baby move it makes me feel soo... I cant even explain it, its such a wonderful feeling. I can't wait to have this baby in my arms!!!.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Week 9


its week 9 of my first pregnancy...
I am deliriously happy. Every since i got married I've been waiting
for this baby. i cried myself to sleep wondering why i hadn't gotten
pregnant, i thought the world and my fate was cruel. I thought
God was the one being cruel, and I thought and i said horrible things.

To everyone and the world i repeated words i did not truly believe
when i was asked when i was going to have a baby.
 "when its God's will" but i was instead thinking of why it wasn't God's
will!!
Yet after months of crying, and fury, God opened my eyes, and i
truly understood. it really was God's will after all. And I wanted
it to be God's will. Its not that I gave up, I found in my heart
peace and solace. for the first time in a long time i truly
understood how God worked. And i was happy with His will.

That is truly how my fate changed, or it wasn't that it changed
this was God's plan all the time. I had recently gotten a new job at
a dentist's office, and one of the dentists there asked me if i wanted
him to put braces on me just so he could use my teeth for his portfolio.
I immediately said yes, he required me to take a special
X Ray, and
then out of simple curiosity because i hadn't been feeling my
greatest, i decided to take a pregnancy test. I felt peaceful this
time, not like before when i had desperately hoped i was pregnant
I had honestly accepted and was perfectly OK if i was not pregnant
yet to my surprise, I didn't have to wait not even a minute!!
I WAS PREGNANT!! I told my husband and we prayed thanking God
it was a miracle in my eyes,it was honestly the happiest day of my life.
i am so happy. it hasn't been easy, the nausea is horrible cant seem to
keep many things down, but i await the day that i will feel this baby
moving inside of me and i will await the day that i will have this baby
in my arms!

I know this post isn't perfect but i have this feelings inside of me that I want to get out, and tell the world about them

Saturday, January 19, 2013

2/52

ok I admit I am a little late on this but I'm still trying. I really need to get my act together.


Eating at a restaurant....

By the way for the first time I actually saw one of my daycare kids at the restaurant it was extremely awkward jaja. but he did recognize me so it was sweet.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

52 for 2013

HI!!!
Happy New Year! So, I follow Bleubird and I saw that she's doing the 52 for 2013 project. Which is one photo every week for 2013. She's doing it of her beautiful 4 children but since I don't have any children, I'm going to do it of my husband and myself. I want to see if I keep up with it and how much we change during the year. :) I think its going to be really fun!!!
I don't have a good camera and I'm definitely not a good photographer but, I know its going to be fun!!


So this was taken a few hours into the New Year, after we finished our church service
1/52