Sunday, May 5, 2013

Week 9

its week 9 of my first pregnancy...
I am deliriously happy. Every since i got married I've been waiting
for this baby. i cried myself to sleep wondering why i hadn't gotten
pregnant, i thought the world and my fate was cruel. I thought
God was the one being cruel, and I thought and i said horrible things.

To everyone and the world i repeated words i did not truly believe
when i was asked when i was going to have a baby.
 "when its God's will" but i was instead thinking of why it wasn't God's
Yet after months of crying, and fury, God opened my eyes, and i
truly understood. it really was God's will after all. And I wanted
it to be God's will. Its not that I gave up, I found in my heart
peace and solace. for the first time in a long time i truly
understood how God worked. And i was happy with His will.

That is truly how my fate changed, or it wasn't that it changed
this was God's plan all the time. I had recently gotten a new job at
a dentist's office, and one of the dentists there asked me if i wanted
him to put braces on me just so he could use my teeth for his portfolio.
I immediately said yes, he required me to take a special
X Ray, and
then out of simple curiosity because i hadn't been feeling my
greatest, i decided to take a pregnancy test. I felt peaceful this
time, not like before when i had desperately hoped i was pregnant
I had honestly accepted and was perfectly OK if i was not pregnant
yet to my surprise, I didn't have to wait not even a minute!!
I WAS PREGNANT!! I told my husband and we prayed thanking God
it was a miracle in my eyes,it was honestly the happiest day of my life.
i am so happy. it hasn't been easy, the nausea is horrible cant seem to
keep many things down, but i await the day that i will feel this baby
moving inside of me and i will await the day that i will have this baby
in my arms!

I know this post isn't perfect but i have this feelings inside of me that I want to get out, and tell the world about them

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